Look at me bringing back Girls Night In! I can’t believe I let these slip away, I kind of hate that I didn’t continue and be consistent about my series post, but ehh that’s water under the bridge now.
Today’s topic is going to be a bit of a sensitive topic to some people so I just want you to know that it’s TOTALLY Okay if you click away from this post.
Today’s topic… okay wait for it… -pauses for dramatic effect- Sex and the oh so magical first time. Oh and consent. We can never forget about consent.
Oops you definitely already knew that from the title! Caution possible cheesiness ahead.
Here we go. Let’s all keep in mind that this is just my two cents, feel free to agree or disagree as this is how I feel about it.
I think we can all agree though that the first time is this magical idea that’s been built up in our minds probably since we were able to grasp the idea of sex. And that’s okay. It’s not that they’re completely wrong to say or believe that. Some people find it to be very emotional or spiritual. Some people just consider it to be a very special thing.
I just want to preface the rest of this post with this statement: Sex is not a subject to be taken lightly.
Whether it be your first time or your 100th time. It’s not something you can just do carelessly, there are real consequences and factors to consider. LOL I swear I’m not trying to convince anyone away from having it and yes I am WELL aware that I sound like a lecturing parent.
Hey I’m all for sex. If you’re ready and you’re SURE that you’re ready then who’s to say no. (Oh god, please to the minors especially, let’s finish the rest of the post before you go off and have… any sort of intercourse).
Let’s be real here. There are 2 main risks when having sex; pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Those are VERY real. More real than some people think (or don’t think lol who thinks in the heat of the moment?). These are the two main reasons that people (myself included) think that sex shouldn’t be taken lightly. Yes, oh yes believe me it’s fun and it feels good, but it feels better if you don’t have to worry before, throughout or after the actual deed is done. It’s not difficult either, to take steps to prevent those risks.
I’m starting to sound like I’m teaching a sex-ed class wow.
Look TLDR; be smart.
Use a condom, or go on birth control, and make sure that you and your partner have been tested for STDs (STIs? See this is one of the many problems with the education system. Sex-ed is way overlooked).
Now let’s get to the juicy part of this topic…
My first time. I’m definitely not going to go in to all the specific details. But I can tell you a few things. My first time was with my current boyfriend and I was 20 (old by many standards these days). Before then I really hadn’t had much interest in sex and when the subject was brought up I always replied with the same standard answer that had been drilled into my brain. “I’m going to wait for the one. I’m going to wait until I’m married.” Younger me clearly didn’t understand how hormones worked.
I’ll admit to being scared. The idea was new and frankly a little frightening. I heard the horror stories. It hurting the first time, as well as the idea that I’d bleed. But (and here’s when the cheesiness rolls in) I waited until I was ready. Being nervous is completely natural. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous. However there’s a difference between being nervous and not being ready. I had more than one opportunity to have sex before I did for my first time, but I wasn’t ready and it was obvious. My body clammed up; my mind made my entire body panic. I trusted my instincts and it didn’t steer me wrong. Sure there were some “drawbacks” (I put that in quotes because most people see them as drawbacks, but really they’re not) to choosing to say no, but ultimately it was the right decision.
Here are some thoughts and things I considered before, during, and after my first time.
- My boyfriend and I had a few discussions about the topic beforehand. We wanted to be on the same page no matter what. (THAT IS REALLY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
- We planned for it. Like I said. Safe sex is one of the best decisions you could ever make in your entire life. If you’re not ready to have a baby use a condom, use birth control, hell use both. Make sure you’re both tested to be sure and even then I’d still recommend a condom (seriously… forget the “it feels better without one” excuse guys use. It feels fantastic even with one on. Its not going to kill him to use a condom) no glove no love.
- It doesn’t matter how long you wait to have sex. It’s not like you won’t ever be able to do it if you wait a few more years until you’re sure you’re ready.
HOW IT FELT (during)
**I have to preface again by saying that this is my personal experience so it could be different for you and most likely will
- We all know that the idea of the “first time” has been highly romanticized. But it does feel good. For me personally my first time didn’t hurt. Much to my relief.
- I was relieved with how my boyfriend treated me. It made me feel safe and respected and that’s how you should feel before during and after sex.
How should you feel after?
Sex is meant to feel good. If it doesn’t feel good at any point you need to stop. That’s common sense, but just in case you’re unsure (I know this is a topic that people seem to think is full of uncertainty). The fact is if it hurts and you don’t want to continue then you have the right to say no. Even if you’re halfway through and you decide you don’t want to do it anymore you have that right.
Let me be clear:
THERE ARE NO GRAY AREAS WHEN IT COMES TO CONSENT.
You are not obligated to do anything sexual with anyone. Its sickening and frankly really worrying that people don’t understand what real consent is. If you say yes that’s fine. If you say no that is also fine. If you’re not sure again also fine. But unsure and no are always going to be NO until you’re sure. Pressure or not if you’re anything, but a complete yes then consent has not been given. If someone is physically unable to consent (eg passed out, drugged, drunk) then the answer is no.
I know it sounds like this whole post has become a lecture, but this is a really important topic. It’s one that I have considered for quite a while.
And so my friends here is the unsolicited final 2 cents I have for you. Make sure you’re 100% read. Even if you think you’re ready and then you find yourself hesitating RIGHT before you’re about to do it then you’re not ready (I should know I was once in that position). And when you’re sure that you’re ready make sure to USE PROTECTION (unless you’re trying for a baby.. in which case just make sure you have yourself and your partner tested). In short use your brain. It’s gotten you this far you should trust it.
If you have any suggestions or want to hear about something for Girls Night In you can either leave a comment or you can fill out the really simple form below. While I can’t guarantee all topics suggested will be used I will do my best to discuss things you all want to hear!
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